How Q is Like Santa Claus

Abraham,

The gradual emancipation of children that has been going on since Q arrived in 2017 has still a ways to proceed before the little ones are completely delivered from their Satanic bondage. Is this what you’ve been saying?

But already, it must be plain, Q is like Santa Claus—perhaps more than people realize. The people are children, searching the skies for the light of Rudolph’s nose. Have you seen it? There it is!

They’re like those who still foolishly grasp at bits of gematria seeking clues in all the wrong places. It’s reminiscent of you, isn’t it Abraham?

You couldn’t know the truth with all of the adults shining laser pointers into the distance. Especially when they said it was the red-nosed reindeer in flight. Their authority blinded you to any possibility of a lie. When they promised of the magical day that was to come bearing wonderful gifts, you and the rest of the children found it irresistible.

Presents for all the children! Bear in mind that we were told that only the good children would have beautifully wrapped presents under the tree. The naughty boys and girls received lumps in their stockings with shame. But not you! Did any children ever receive a lump of coal? Not from Jolly St. Nick. We all believed in him, but he doesn’t exist.

The presents arrived anyway. Will they with Q? The army of elves are in agreement that it is all but a matter of time. Meanwhile, look at all of the lights in the sky! It must be Donner and Blitzen!

You refer to me using the same slanderous means of those you despise. Rather than hurling insults, allow me to list other similarities between Q and Santa.

The 7 Ways Q is Like Santa Claus

  1. Santa has elves. Elves are people you never see, but you can trust that they’re always hard at work helping the obese, flying sleigh driver who wears red!
  2. Santa has assistants who dress up and pretend to be him. They hang out in the shopping malls where none but discerning children know it isn’t the real Santa. He’s at the north pole. These are his loyal messengers!
  3. No child ever really sees Santa, but there’s many things that prove he’s real. The letters he writes them, the cookies and the milk, and the movies playing on TV. Children and elves know Santa is real. Look at all the proof!
  4. Santa promises that he’s on his way, and nothing–not even the blizzard of the century will prevent him from making a sleigh defy space and time to fly over every location.
  5. Santa magically enters your home in dark of night. Just like Q on the screen of your computer. Never fear, he isn’t Krampus.
  6. Santa is bringing all kinds of wonderful presents on Earth for all the good boys and girls!
  7. Santa has a team of loyal reindeer who move swiftly unseen like black ops. Without them, the mission fails.

March madness! April showers! BOOM on the fourth of July! Isn’t that right? I wish you a Merry Christmas, and remind you not to forget to leave out the milk and cookies. Santa will be sorely disappointed if you do.

***This is how the media attacks Q

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